A Muppet-Themed Ode To The 2011 Chargers

Don’t ask me why Playboy Playmate Sara Jean Underwood is holding a Chargers helmet, let alone an Air Coryell era one.  But I thought it would counteract this kiddie-themed song parody for our pathetic football team.

Why are there so many pickoffs and fumbles?

and how can it all be Norv?

That point’s irrelevant, guy is a loser

That much we already know.

“Mathews won’t pan out,” some choose to believe it

I don’t know how Philip comes back.

Someday we’ll find it, the Norval Correction.

The offense, the defense and me.

Special teams under a spell, we know that it’s probably coaching

Tackling’s important, especially in big spots.

Turnovers are pivotal too.

Tight ends get old, particularly when injured

Clary sucks, we know it too.

Move to LA, some choose to forsee it

I’ve always lived here back East.

Someday we’ll find it, the Norval Correction

A Gruden, Nick Novak and me.

GMs are powerful, especially a Spanos

But that’s at least one year away.

Pass rush’s invisible unless the game’s out of reach

Corners can’t turn for the ball.

Guys can’t stay healthy and some choose to supress it.

John Hastings was my favorite strength coach.

That’s cause he looked like the Cobra Kai sensei

I hate that remakes are lame

All of us stuck with this team. 

I know that it’s probably tragic.

Someday we’ll find it, the Norval Correction.

Not Chucky, his brother and me.

RLW LI, NY 11/26/11

About Ross Warner

ROSS WARNER is a forty-five year old freelancer whose credits include Sports Illustrated OnLine and Blitz as well as numerous articles on his favorite band, the Grateful Dead. Blah, Blah, Blah. Yeah, I was on WNEW FM the morning after the Chargers made the Super Bowl. Having returned from Pittsburgh only hours before, there I was at half-court at Madison Square Garden in my #12 jersey and wiping my sweat with a "Terrible Towel." When asked about the future for the newly-crowned AFC Champs, I simply uttered "justice is coming." Like so many others, I first took notice of the Chargers during the "Air Coryell" period of the late 1970s. But as Dan Fouts gave way to Ed Luther, Mark Hermann, Babe Laufenberg, Jim McMahon, David Archer, Mark Vlasic, Billy Joe Tolliver and John Freisz my fanaticism turned to obsession. When Stan Humphries resurrected the franchise in 1992, I began calling the Chargers organization to share my plan to get the team into the Super Bowl. This began the stormy rapport with the Chargers' Public Relations staff which reached a boiling point at a 1996 "team spirit" luncheon when I demanded that guard Eric Moten explain his propensity for holding penalties. It was then I realized I needed my own forum. Founded in 1995, Justice Is Coming is precisely that. To decide whether this site is for you, ask yourself these questions: Do you think of Johnny Unitas as an ex-Charger? Are your three children named JJ, Kellen and Wes, with one of them being a girl? Do you think that Rolf Benirschke got a raw deal on the daytime "Wheel of Fortune?" Can you remember where you were on December 3, 1984 when Bobby Duckworth fumbled the ball attempting to spike it on "Monday Night Football?" Does Al Davis, a dark alley and a lead pipe mean anything to you? If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, then you, too, believe that Justice Is Coming. This is a weekly look at the San Diego Chargers through the eyes of someone who spends most of his time thinking about the Bolts so you don't have to. But being a Chargers fan is not an obligation, although it sometimes feels like it. So I offer you this "alternative perspective." All the football, film and music collides in the centrifuge that is my brain and this newsletter is the result.